Busy Lil Bee

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, things have been hectic around here. Now, I'm questioning my ability to finish this post, as there are children climbing on me. I'll make this brief...
No, I haven't been to weight watchers in a few weeks... Let me tell you why, this is what December has been so far...
Dec. 4th  Ladies Mini Retreat *to which I wore those silly shoes.
               Krystallynne's first concert.
Dec. 5th  Zeke's Karate competition (Jamie went)
               Church, Kids also had rehearsals for the Christmas program.
               Our friend Noah's 4th birthday party, Santa Clarita. (It rained that day)
Dec. 6th  Tristan was sick.
Dec. 7th  Zeke and Krystallynne stayed home sick. (That was fun. wah wah wah)
Dec. 8th  I actually managed to work out. I even made it on the elliptical for 15 minutes.
Dec. 9th  Thoroughly cleaned my house. Boy, was it a mess.
               Looked for a job.
               Finally remembered to mail my mommy's birthday card. Happy Birthday Mommy!!!
Dec.10th Movie night at the kids school. Polar express, Santa was there.

Gianna and her "surrogate mommy" Hailey, Such good friends.

Tristan and his buddy watching Polar Express. It is, after all, His favorite.

My Loves, with the Big man himself.

Tristan was so happy to meet him.

Gianna, charming Santa. She stood there yelling "Hey...Hey... Hey...(Santa looks at her) I like you." And so he picked her up, and she planted him one.

Dec.11th I made sure to call my mom, the kids sing Happy Birthday to her.
               Women's Choir Practice. (yes I was in it, no I can't really sing)
Dec.12th Childrens Christmas Performances Both services had to be at church by 8:30 am.

Dec.13th Darling Daughter, Krystallynne, is in BIG trouble at school.
Dec.14th Zeke's Christmas Performance at school.

Dec.15th Laundry, Laundry. and even more laundry.
Dec.16th 12 pounds of apples for apple butter.
               Zeke's parent teacher conference, Teacher calls him her Absent Minded Professor, and I agree.
               Coffee with my ladies, always a blessed time.
Dec.17th Job interview. Went very well, indeed.
               Christmas Shopping, 6 stops. 
               Still 12 pounds of apple butter.
Dec.18th Make cookies, go caroling, with kids at church.  (no pics cause I was on frosting duty)                
               Choir rehearsal.
               Finishing touches on the apple butter, and cards for church.  Can't believe I didn't get pictures...

Dec.19th Choir rehearsal 8:20am.
               Small group 9:30am
               Choir performance, second service. It was so much fun We did the "special" song one last time
               after service, It rocked!!! Thank You to our worship leader!!!
               Hand out all 21 things of apple butter, CRAZINESS!!!
               Baby Shower after service.
Dec.20th First Monday kids are on winter break, I think I need a straight jacket.
Dec.21st Finish Grandparents gifts.
               Finish Kid's stocking.

               Wrap gifts.
                Jamie makes chili for the troops fundraiser at work.
Dec.22nd Refrain from stringing up any one of my kids,
                Clean the house, Lord willing....


****Please ignore the dates on the picture, it resets itself whenever it wants and I never remember to fix it when it does.

Thanksgiving Addendum

The face says it all, Doesn't it?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF MY THANKSGIVING DINNER!!! OH FOR PETE'S SAKE!!

Halloween, Albiet Late...

Here's how it went,

Pumpkin patch, waiting for Big Sister and Brother to come back from the maze.

With Grandma!!!!

Finally found an acceptable gourd.

Silly hat day at school, Friday before Halloween

Zeke: Alien, Tristan: Space Ship Trooper, Gianna: Bones, Krystallynne: Cutest Dern Pirate I ever did see.

GOOD.

High Heels

So instead of going to my weight watchers meeting (where they are rolling out a new program btw) I went to my churches mini (4hour)  woman's retreat. I had such a great time. And I looked cute too. I wore this royal purple sweater dress with my favorite brown heels. Yes heels, 4 inch heels, I wore them to the mini retreat and then Krystallynne's first concert afterward (she plays the clarinet) for a grand total of 8 hours. Because my lower back was fine that night, I decided to wear them again (with a different outfit) on Sunday, to church and then a birthday party, for a grand total of 20 hours. I love these shoes, not only are they so cute and versatile but comfy on my feet. I paid $8 at the dickies outlet 5 years ago and the strap broke within a year, but I hung onto them and finally got them fixed this year. That being said I was determined to wear them this passed weekend. HEAVY SIGH. Big mistake. I can barely walk even 2 days later. Normally it shouldn't be such a big deal, I mean when I think of Beyonce dancing in slinkier shoes than mine, I think I ought to be okay. Well, my back, she's not the same as she used to be, not since that whole spasm thing back in April, (I'll have to fill you in on that later, funny story that) Anyways, here I am, my back is killing me, and I don't want to tell my husband. Why you ask? Because when he saw me putting them on, both Saturday and Sunday he told me not to, but I insisted they were much cuter than the tennis shoe he suggested, and now if he finds out I'm hurting again, he'll never let me wear heels again. Lesson learned, never wear the heels for more than a few hours in one weekend. But, shoooo, Guril!, I looked GOOOOOOD!

Phat Chance

Okay, here it is, an update on the weight loss shtuff. I have been avoiding this update for a week, okay 2 weeks. I have been failing miserably. I have gained back 3 of the 4 pounds initially lost. What?!?!? Yeah, I know, that's what I said. This goes to show me that I perhaps should not have been so prideful about my weight loss Halloween weekend. But no use crying about spilled milk. I have already exercised twice this week so I'm beginning to feel a little bit better, gotta get those endorphins going ya know. And being the procrastinator that  I am that's saying a lot. I think having to admit my shame here to you now, helps me to feel a bit of accountability that perhaps I wasn't feeling before. Having to keep a weekly log of this, I would think, might help... Oh I dunno, Here's to hoping so...


Photo Source:  http://globalpatriot.com/2009/10/25/in-defense-of-food-by-michael-pollan/    

Giving Thanks

There is more to giving thanks than just giving thanks. In my heart I have come to realize giving thanks for what I have has to come from realizing what life might be like without something or someone or understanding that life and what have you could be a lot worse than it is or has been. So for this holiday season I am most thankful that I have a family that loves me and accepts me for who I am while encouraging me to strive for better. I am thankful for our new home and the chance to model responsible adulthood for my children. I am thankful that my children are not just healthy but also that Tristan is seemingly out growing his asthma and has not been hospitalized at all this year. I am thankful for the renewed intimacy and closeness in my marriage. I am thankful for my imperfect life, and the opportunity to grow and be stretched by my not so super life. I am most thankful for renewed blessings every morning, because My God is A God of second and third chances.




http://www.kandle.ie/2008/09/17/the-cross-a-sign-of-hope/

Where am I?

What in the world? It's cold outside! Who woulda thunk it? How did this happen? I know most people would say that THAT is NOT cold. and maybe they'd be right, but for my Southern Cali blood it IS cold out there. It is a nearly freezing 57*F right now, not bad for mid to end of November but golly, it snuck up on me. I suppose i ought to be thankful it's now snowing or some such nonsense, but you gotta remember I've got sunshine in my veins. There are some that would say we should live elsewhere for more cost effective living but I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. Like my father, Rob, he thinks we should move to Seattle. SEATTLE!! As If! I couldn't imagine not being able to swim in the pacific, he says it's too cold for that. Then there is the constant drizzle and rain, clouds, what? Oh I'm sure it's a nice place to visit but I don't know that I could live there. As cold as I may complain it gets at least I still got that So Cal sun. And the bright side? (no pun intended) It won't be cold but for a couple of months, and then I will happily complain about the heat. Ignoring the fact that this cooler weather is a sweet reprieve.



Photo Source: http://lodging4vacations.com/laguna-beach-house-rental/

Thanks Giving

Tomorrow will be our first Thanksgiving in our home. Very exciting if not daunting. There won't be too many people here, just us and the in laws. However, having the in laws means cleaning the house. Luckily I already did the bathrooms but not so luckily all 12 4 kids are home all day. How does one clean the house and possibly keep it clean with 4 kids underfoot and following behind? I'm out of duct tape and I don't have a closet big enough. I suppose I shall delegate delegate delegate. The ear mark of a true leader hee hee. Things that must be done today... Clean kids rooms, clean living room, clean kitchen, sweep, vacuum, mop, wash walls, wash sofa covers, dust, clean the coffee machine, finish grocery list, go to the grocery store and the bank, wait... that's it? Sounds like a regular day, but I think I'll have the kids wash the walls, should keep 'em busy for a while.  To add to the stress, I'm still working out the kinks for my menu plan. Thankfully, We got the pies done yesterday. Yup, 6 pies, 6 kids, no we didn't make the pies out of the kids (although it was mighty tempting.) 4 pumpkin and 2 apple. Zeke made the pumpkin and Krystallynne made the apple. I'm kickin myself because I didn't think to bring my camera. We went to my girlfriends Grandma's house, with her 2 four year old boys and my 12 4 kids. Her Grandma is the absolute greatest. Now if only my Mother in law would answer her phone, I need some menu advice...
My giving thanks list to come...



Photo Source http://blogs.wyomingnews.com/blogs/everyonegives/2008/11/

Hair Today.... Still Hair Today

Krystallynne 11 yrs

Ezekiel 9 yrs

Tristan 4 yrs

Gianna 2 1/2 yrs

Four kids mean 4 heads of hair. Very different types of hair. Being that they are multiracial children they all have very distinct hair types.  Krystallynne, age 11, has thick wavy hair just past her shoulders, (it used to be waist length until lice hit the school, thank goodness for tea tree oil!!) which she insists on straightening each morning before school, only to return home in the evening with it pulled back. Her hair is so thick I insist she was it twice every other night and condition well. Ezekiel, age 9, has thick hair with big fat curls of which I can never get him to do anything with (guess i should be thankful it's clean... usually) It was cut into a fade but now that it is all grown out it's mostly just fat unruly curls. Tristan, age 4, has tight kinky curls but very fine hair. His hair was also cut into a fade, which, come to find out does NOT work for his hair type and has also grown out. It's all I can do to keep it clean when He lets me wash it. Finally, Gianna, age 2 1/2, has tight curls (smaller than Zeke's but not as tight as Tristan's) her hair has never been cut and I really do LOVE playing with her hair (much like I did when Krystallynne was this small) It is not easy trying to figure out my own hair much less these hoodlum's hair! What a variety! So if you should happen upon us when we are all out and about, don't be surprised if we look semi unloved! It's all I can do to make sure everyone is wearing clean draws!!

I AM A DORK

I have been informed on more than one occasion that I really am not as funny as I think I am. Most recently by Miss Stephanie. I have to say, I am quite witty. Yes, quite. I think I am the funniest thing since America's Funniest Home Videos, although it just occurred to me that some of the videos aren't really that funny. I have learned though that some of my self professed funniness comes from my quick wit and even worse sarcasm. There are things one can hear and have a funny reply for but at what cost? Can it be hurtful to another in the room or will it give those that hear you reply a tainted view of who you really are? What about any children present? What do your idle words teach them about appropriateness and yes, thoughtfulness? These are all serious thing to consider, all of which I am trying to become more aware of. I have come to realize that I do in fact have a sharp tongue at times, all under the clever rouse of humor. Although, admittedly, a lot of what I can say can be funny, I have to temper it with gentleness. I have a tendency to pop off at the mouth and regret it later. Then, on the flip side, not only do I feel kinda lame if my "jokes" are a little too harsh, but what if they fall flat? You know, like when you make a funny and your the ONLY one who thinks it's funny. Yeah, that's me too. Guess I think I'm too smart for my own good sometimes. And if I manage to make a funny, I laugh, out loud. According to Miss Stephanie (and others, sorry for picking on you) my laughing at my own jokes is what makes others laugh too. Of course there is always the most unintentional part of my humor, my very great and vast, clumsiness. I posses the fine art of hitting my head on the top of the refrigerator while retrieving a gallon of milk, or perhaps the time I hit my head on the frame of the car while trying to get in, and the time I got my hand stuck in the handle of the refrigerator while sticking a dish towel there and walking past at the same time. How about how I can never seem to make it through a meal without dropping something down the front of me. I wish I could say I was embarrassed but alas I am not. I find it all to be the utmost entertainment. A dork? Yes. Me? FOREVER! And here I thought I was just exceptionally cute. (side note: I don't say I'm cute, I've been told I'm cute) And popular belief leads me to appreciate it really is just part of my charm. I do have to do a small amount of finger pointing here, I come by my sarcastic humor honest, my Dad is a brilliant quick wit as well as my brother and several others in my family. Just as the corny side of my humor comes from my mother. The cutest woman to ever live and make herself crack up. In conclusion, my new favorite phrase that sometimes keeps me out of trouble: This is me, keeping my clever comments to myself.... 

Phoolishness

It has recently occurred to me that I pay Weight Watchers to weigh me every week. With the money I've spent to be a member I could have just bought a scale by now. I'm supposed to be tracking what I eat, every little bit I put in my mouth including what I drink. I haven't. I should but well, I've gotten lazy. Very lazy. While I did manage to lose 8 oz last week, I know that I've been cheating, cheating myself. The good news, however, is that all the Halloween candy is long gone. My kids took it to school, my oldest called me from the nurses office last week with a tummy ache, ha ha on her! (no I did not pick her up early). Then there is the whole move more business. Much easier said than done. My commitment is to engage in some sort of physical activity 3 times this week. Walking or a dvd or even the gym, just something that will total 3 full hours of exercise before I go weigh in next Saturday. So to date I have lost 4 pounds in 4 weeks. Time to step it up, Tiffanie, time to step it up.  


Photo Source
http://www.clipartof.com/details/clipart/4634.html

Cali King

Why do I wake up in the middle of the night, to find that my bed has been invaded by my very own personal space invaders? (read: kids) After having nursed my youngest child for almost 2 years, I am dismayed that my sweet darling husband has the nerve to INVITE toddlers to sleep in our bed! Oh, what's the big deal? Only that I've spent the better part of 4 years with some little mongrel in my bed!(and I'm not talking about ny husband) Oh I know, they're so small they couldn't possibly take up that much space right? Logically, Right. But everyone should know, there is NO logic where there are 2 and 4 year olds involved. It's a California King sized bed, there should be plenty of room. Well, yeah, there SHOULD be. But there is not. Hence the term, personal space INVADERs. You try waking up with someones cute little shin across your neck at 3 o'clock in the morning, try to roll over and nearly fall off the bed. How these tiny lil creatures sleep so soundly whilst spinning like a top all over the bed is absolutely beyond me. But they're so warm and snuggley he says, yeah, right, if you like being elbowed in the kidney before you even knew they were in the bed.... And at the risk of repeating myself, they do have their own beds, Ya know? So much for intimacy... Whatever that means.
Oh The Joys , The joys...

because as I try to type this I am being climbed on, spit on, yelled at and pinched....
I still think I should have just got a puppy...



Photo Source
http://www.clipartguide.com/_pages/0511-0811-0418-5937.html

If I Had It To Do Over Again...

If I had it to do over again, would I even WANT to do it over again? Eh, maybe not. I'm finally getting to the point where I can look myself in the mirror and say I like you. I really and honestly like who I am becoming. There are a lot of people who say "If I knew then what I know now". Well, for one thing IF that were true, it wouldn't be a fair fight for the rest of us. I can say that my life growing up SUCKED, and I can also say that most of my adulthood did too. So, what's the point? The point is, that if it weren't for the crumby parts I would be who I am today. Then there's the whole regrets thing. Yeah, I said the r word. Everyone has regrets cause ya know, hind sight is ALWAYS 20/20. I guess I've begun to come to grips with the choices I've made and the things that have happened. In the grand scheme of things, after a while it doesn't matter so much "what happened" but rather what will you do about it now?  We can choose to wallow in the pity and be angry at life, others, or even ourselves, but what good does that do? What does that achieve? Don't get me wrong having regret can be good, in that it can keep us from doing or not doing as the case may be, over and over again with out remorse. God has forgiven me my sins, why shouldn't I forgive myself (and others) as well. To carry around anger or regret as it were, for someone, even oneself can be much heavier than the burden God requires us to carry. So rather than living in the darkness of regret, I choose to learn from my mistakes, forgive myself, and move forward accepting my past so that I can have a better future.   




Photo Source
http://robertodamico.it/gallery.html

Still Phat

Okay, so I've been doing weight watchers for a couple of weeks now and, (drum roll please) I have lost a whole 3.2 pounds. Yup, yay me! I still hate having to write everything down, and truth be told I haven't been doing it consistently, but I think I'm beginning to adjust to the daily point intake. I gotta admit I was a lil nervous what with Halloween candy and everything, but you know, the trick is to save the wrappers of all the candy you eat through out the day. I found out that the little mini's are worth 1 point and the snack sizes are 2. I also found out how quickly you can stack the mini's. So I began to collect the wrapper's daily (since I wasn't exactly writing it all down) and it was a great reminder that I had some chocolate earlier and yes it was very satisfying.
Exercise, my arch nemesis. That is a struggle for me, after all consistency is key. It helps that I have enlisted the "help" of a friend. We make an effort to walk or do something 3 times a week, again I'm still working on consistency. Turns out self discipline is not as easy as some make it look. My friend, Stephanie, and I did this work out on Saturday morning, and good golly, it kicked my butt! I'm still sore!  But all complaining aside I WILL walk or do something TODAY! 5 more pounds and I will have reached my first goal. I'll keep you updated, after all I need the accountability too.


Photo Source  http://www.polyvore.com/fat_stick_figure/thing?id=10811715
            

Honey I'm Home!

You know how they say when a person is near death they have that life flashing before thier eyes thing?
I do believe I had one....

The other day when my husband came home from work late he asked me how my day went, I said fine, the he asked what I did that day...

I woke up at 5, (yes there is a 5 in the morning too)
made coffee, did devotional while drinking coffee, checked email after my first cup of coffee,
@ 6 am, I proceeded to wake up the children (those who are still sleeping... KRYSTALLYNNE)
Argue with Ezekiel over why he can not wear the same shirt from yesterday (ignoring the fact that he slept in it)
Give Gianna her meds (still fighting off that ear infection) and begin to make lunch for my big kids.
Listen to them fight over the bathroom (Krystallynne is the only person I've ever know that doesn't pee first thing, it takes her 10-15!)
Fix breakfast for them while arguing with the little ones about why I don't make them "lunch" too anymore (they usually eat it for breakfast in the car while droping off the other 2 at school and promptly through their trash on the floor of my van)
Argue with Krystallynne over her clothes, Where did I leave my stinking coffee now????
Yodel the customary song of  "15 minutes..... brush your teeth!!!"
Argue with Tristan over why he wears his under wear backwards while dressing him (even managing to turn them around properly)
Explain to Gianna why she cannot yell at Zeke, after all, he wasn't even touching her, while dressing her.
yelling now "7 more minutes" routine count down ya know.
"Krystallynne your hair looks fine honey GO PUT YOUR SHOES ON (for the4th time)" I'm sorry Honey I wasn't trying to be mean, I didn't mean to make you cry, now goooo puuuuuut yooouuuurrrr ssshhhoooooeeesssss ooooonnnnn plllllleeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz." (puberty remember?)
Thinking let's go then seeing I need to get dressed... Can you please help get thier shoes on?
While dressing I hear Tristan whining, he can't get his pants on over his shoes ( he went pee only to find his under wear on "wrong" and forgot to put his pants back on before his shoes)
Gianna telling Krystallyne off, "mommy got it!!" Krystallynne crying cause she won't let her help.
I manage a clean shirt albeit backward and inside out, ITS CLEAN.
Final war cry... "Let's GO, Out the door, come on folks, blah blah blah"
Finally in the car at 7 Zeke forgot his back pack, how? I dunno but he was proud He remembered  to put his lunch in it.
Off they go to school, errands to run, doctor's office, post office, bank, grocery store (I need creamer) In and out they go of the car seats. FUN FUN FUN!!!
Perfectly behaved children in the waiting room, we get called back and the fight over who gets to sit where climbing up and down "stay outta the trash!!" Doc FINALLY comes in ( wasn't that long, but seemed like FOREVER!) Trying to talk to the doctor Tristan is tapping her, then hitting her,  "Hey,Hey, blah blah blah" can you hush kid? I love you but can't you see grown folks are talking?
Doc is great, patient, whatever, can I get that refill of amox and go please? It's already been a long day...
Now we gotta do the pharmacy on the way home...
Running around the post office, ("yeah their cute, still dunno if imma keep em") Just smile and nod.
Now, they run around me in the bank, thankfully it was so early it was almost empty. We practice saying bribery cause they can have candy when we're done. (Some ladies look at me like I lost my mind, assuming I ever had it to begin with)  pulling hair and hitting (I wasn't, they were! they beat me too it!) Temper tantrum at the grocery store they don't wanna sit in the cart, Passerby has to tell me how silly I look rolling all over the floor throwing a fit. ( I wish I could say I was embarrassed, HA) They are surprisingly well behaved.
$4 creamer trip cost me $15 but hey at least I didn't have to throw another fit. Remember the prescription only AFTER we were loaded back in the car!!
Back home they watch a movie and color while I clean the kitchen, laundry 2 loads to start
clean the living room, talk to husband on the phone, consider making coffee
      "stop fighting" "share" "love one another, ect"
clean the bathroom, talk to a friend on the phone 
      "stop fighting" "share" "love one another, ect", consider making coffee
clean the living room, AGAIN 
clean boys' room
, consider making coffee AGAIN
      "stop fighting" "share" "love one another, ect"
clean girls' room, talk to my sister on the phone
      "stop fighting" "share" "love one another, ect"color together... what? nap time already??
       *hugs kisses*clean the living room yet AGAIN
vacuum the whole house, consider making coffee again                 
sweep, mop,
look for a job (on-line)
kids wake up, hot dogs for lunch, wait...? did I eat breakfast? inhale something,play legos and house(same scenario over and over again)
Redress Tristan (he likes to strip for nap time)
Go pick up big kids, come home  , consider making coffee once more        
start dinner, (things go crunch underfoot) help Zeke with his home work (see previous blog entitled Homework)
set table (continuously playing referee and negotiator)
finish dinner with Krystallynne's help, why does she want to help? or be around me? I have developed quite a talent of making her cry unintentionally) (be patient Tiffanie, this too shall pass)
Oh well too late to make that coffee now....

In walks my husband with "So, Whad ya do today?"

And I, Well, I say "Nothin'"

Not A PTA Mom

Oh the joys, the joys, the joys.
When did school fund raising become so elaborate and involved? These kids are bringing home full blown catalogs!

When I was a kid Holiday fund raising was candy and it was a SINGLE sheet front and back with the choices. Now they are catalogs with wrapping paper swatches and you can buy anything from candies to jewelery and nick knacks, candles and picture frames. The likes of which could rival an Avon catalog, Seriously, this thing is 25-30 pages long. I'm tellin you,there is absolutely NO way I'm helping, and YES I am even discouraging my child from trying to sell anything. Could you imagine? Handing a co-worker, neighbor, or some other poor unsuspecting soul, a short novel, 'Would you like to support our school?'. I shudder to think! First they would have to flip through (which may take a while) and decide what they want all the while juggling all the shorter thinner catalogs and every other thing in this packet, then the poor child would have to figure out how to place the order (heaven help them if its more than one thing from more than one booky thingy) and then be responsible for the money, making change and such as well as be responsible for the order and deliver it once it arrives. Then there is the pressure to do well in order to win some elaborately cheep prize, who is selling 500 items? and how the heck does it work?. I just don't think that is right.

The other side of this is, drum roll please....
Giving the child the items to be sold up front!
Am I the only one that thinks this is nutso? My oldest child joined a movie club, and as part of their fund raising the children sold those world's finest chocolate bars. The teacher asked the students to get VERBAL permission from their parents and proceeded to give each child $100 worth of chocolate. And of course my child forgot to ask or say anything to me concerning this. Why on earth would anyone give a prepubescent adolescent child $100 dollars worth of chocolate and assume they can handle the responsibility of that much money? Uneducated (read: inexperienced or bad) choices coupled with peer pressure in everyday life can be enough of a challenge for a 6th grader, to say the least, without the added responsibilities of "fund raising", specifically without written parental consent!   Heavy sigh! Okay, I'm better now, no, really I am.

When I became a mother I had had such great inspirations to be a PTA mom and over the years I have realized I am not. Really and truly NOT, AT ALL.  And I'm okay with that.

Okay, So I'm a bit Phat

It is officially official, I am over weight. I'm not gonna admit what I weigh but I'll tell you, the last time I weigh this much I was pregnant. Ugh! You know its bad when your fat clothes are to tight. So I up and joined weight watchers, and it is really encouraging because every one I've talked to, speaks very highly of the program. I dunno yet, the jury is still out, after all it's only been 3-4 days. We shall see. The whole point system seems easy enough, but good golly!! I am HUNGRY!!!!!!! I'm starting to get the hang of figuring the points on what I eat (the hand book makes it super easy) and I'm learning how to better ration my daily points though out the day, so I'm not so hungry.  Writing down everything I consume in that handy dandy notebook? Harder than I thought it ever could be. Through the course of the last few days I have begun to realize where the bulk of my excess caloric intake comes from. A kid wants a pudding I open it and lick the lid, I cut up the pb and j and pop a cute lil triangle into my mouth, mac n' cheese for lunch no one wants the last couple bites left in the pan and darned if I'm gonna waste it, and never mind the licking of fingers ect, and Viola! Mommy the good year blimp.
Viola! Revelation! How in the world does one translate the amount of peanut butter and jelly one licks off the fingers while preparing 4 pb and j's into points? I haven't the foggiest but I'm sure it all adds up, and truth be told, if I knew, it would probably keep me up at night. As a result I have become quite purposeful while I am in the kitchen. Now, we'll test the theory and wait for the results. In the mean time, I shall think like a rabbit so I sall eat like one too. First weight loss goal: 8 lbs.

Tap Dance On Soap Box

So, I'm a smoker, and now my husband is not. He quit about a month ago and I, well, I am dragging my feet. I know I need to quit and I will but I don't like to be rushed to do anything. Don't rush me when I'm cooking dinner, rush me out the door, rush me to do my make up, certainly don't rush me to exercise and/or quit smoking. Since my husband quit, every time he see's me smoke he does this lil jig on his soap box, and while it may have been cute to begin with, not it's down right obnoxious now.   
In recent months I have had the very realization that I will only be 20 something for so much longer and wouldn't it be great if I looked and felt 20 something before it ends? In reaction to that daunting epiphany I have begun to exercise and eat better, and sometimes that is a real pain. And as much as I love me sweet and caring husband, sometimes I really want to burn that doggone soap box, while he is on it! I know I need accountability and encouragement and blah blah blah blah blah, but  I don't think as a husband he should attempt the 1st and leave the accountability to my girl friends. I just take it way too personal. It could be that I shouldn't take it so personal and maybe that's my bad, but since I do, maybe he should just hush! LOL.
I figure as I'm working to loose some weight and as I exercise more my lungs will more or less tell me to quit and if they don't well my new found drive of being healthy with drive me to quit, when I'm good and dern ready!
I have learned that my life has improved and changed in stages and I have to take one step at a time. I've learned that God sheds just enough light for the step I'm on and I'll get there (when I get there!).


Photo Source
http://www.fiveforsmiting.com/20100530227/2010-articles/may/the-sunday-soapbox-its-the-diving-stupid.html

Homework

                                         

When I was a kid homework was such a drag. I hated it for several reasons, one being my own perspective and the other being my Dad's. He was really hard on me, and had a hard time understanding why I struggled with seemingly easy concepts. Well, Dad, I feel your pain.
My second child and I have had a long standing conflict when it comes to homework but not for the same reasons my Dad and I did. This kid,(heavy sigh) THIS KID, is freakin brilliant and we struggle day in and day out. Admittedly some days are better than others but it is still very much the most dreaded part of my day.
He is so disorganized and forgetful that I have to believe its a side effect of his brilliance. I know he knows this stuff, that's why I get so exasperated with him. He writes so fast and sloppy I can't even read the agenda book half the time so I'm left to try and decipher it like some sort of foreign secret code just so I can figure out if all the pertinent work is present and accounted for.  You know, 4th grade is not what it used to be. I don't remember having that much work. (course I can't remember where I put the new rolls of toilet paper half the time either) And then this stuff needs to be corrected!?! I'm lucky if I can spot the wrong answers, but please don't tell me you don't know how to do it!?! Okay so the truth is, I learned more than I realized and can even pull it out of the fog I call my mind periodically, but certainly not on demand! And Then there's stuff that needs to be signed!?! I'm not talking PTA forms and the like, I'm talkin nightly reading logs, daily agenda entries and pretests (that I have to give him). And by the way if these things aren't signed and on time the poor kid gets penalized!!  Its all I can do to remember my own name at the end of the day!

The only saving grace or curse (depending on how I'm feeling that day) is that my oldest had the same teacher for 4th grade. This teacher is great, we all love her, but I'm convinced she derives certain pleasure in giving us parents "homework" too. I am thankful, however, that my kids all have different learning styles and ages, cause I could not hack doin this homework crap for more than 1 kid. (on top of restraining myself from stringing these kids up on the daily)  I think I would have a nervous breakdown. I may still have one but that's another blog for another day.

RE: re

re-prefix

1. indicating return to a previous condition, restoration, withdrawal, etc. rebuild renew retrace reunite

I do believe that the prefix re can be quite powerful. Matter of fact the are so many re words I could never manage to post them all, but I will say there are several that have become quite important to me in my quest of rebuilding my life. From start to finish I want my life to reflect the work of  redemption. Coming from a background of abuse, addiction, self mutilation and some of the more mild afflictions, restructuring my life has become my main objective. I have found out the hard way who I was, and who I am, and now , by the grace of God, I know who I want to be. 
Re-evaluating what I really want out of life, and knowing what God desires for me and my family has given me a new lease on life, if you will. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming and almost more than I can bear, but as I get further away from who I was and closer to who I want to be, I feel a sense of relief. To know that rebuilding my character and how I behave, gives my children an opportunity at life they may not have had otherwise makes all the hard work most worthwhile. 
Today I am proud to say I enjoy the small victories, from maintaining an orderly home, to speaking calmly to my children. It may seem easy to others, but to me it is a renewal of spirit and an empowering sense of accomplishment. I am no longer a slave to my addiction, anger, resentment, fear or emotions. Giving up the right to get even (including hating myself) has set me on a journey of forgiveness and freedom, a path I might have missed altogether had it not been for the journey I had been on till now. I can finally enjoy the freedom God has purposed all along.   

Communication

Is communication truly an art? and is it lost? Well  yeah, lost on me. Sometimes emotions really get in the way and can really jack up the whole meeting of the minds. And it only gets worse when I don't try and communicate when I really ought to. I have such a bad habit of keeping things all bottled up, which does not bode well for marriage. I mean I realize there is a difference between griping and really being open but sometimes when you keep things to yourself for a while something small happens and then things blow up, seemingly over nothing.
That's bad. That leaves my husband standing there scratching his head wondering where I lost my mind. Poor guy. Come to think of it, most arguments could probably be avoided all together if I knew how to express myself a little more clearly. The trouble is, I don't know what I'm feeling half the time! And doggone it! It would really help if he could read minds! Okay maybe I'm not that big a mess. I mean I try to explain situations and be factual about the issues I may be having (my husband understands factual best) but sometimes I think it gets lost in translation. We are just mot on the same brain wave.
Part of me thinks that after almost 10 years of marriage, he should know me better. Then I remember, Men and Women are simply wired differently. This is where the art of communication comes in. You know, that whole speaking with I statements, repeating back what you heard to be sure you heard it right. That stuff is really hard though, especially when your mad. Alright so I'll work on my communication skills, but I hereby reserve the right to blow up and say incoherent things periodically should I feel the need to blow off steam.
And honey if it looks like I've gone around the bend, I probably have, but don't worry, if you wait patiently, I'll be back when I feel a lil better!

'Lil Brother

I woke up this morning thinking about my 22 year old little brother. He'll be coming home from Iraq soon, then he'll even be done with the army. I miss him a lot, and I feel like such a crumby sister. The whole time he was in the army I had wanted to send him a care package, a letter, heck, even an e-mail, but I didn't. There really are reasons why I didn't but they all seem like excuses now. Maybe you wouldn't know it to look at me now, but up until just recently my life was a DISASTER. No Joke. Seems like lately I'm full of shoulda coulda wouldas, and its kinda bugging me about my brother. I love him so much and I don't think he knows it. I had promised him I would send a care package and never did and I think that broke something in our relationship. I breaks my heart to know that I let him down and I don't know if he'll ever forgive me for not being there for him, we used to be so close. I guess all I can do is pray for restoration of the relationship and be open to doing what God wants me to do to fix it. I pray that someday my brother will come to understand that that was because of my lifestyle and that I'm much more dependable now (or at least I'm trying to be).

 Photo Source
 www.cartoonstock.com

Get Up and Go, Just Got Up and Went

Ever go to bed at night with big plans for the following day? Yeah, well, story of my life. I really was gonna clean my house today, I really was gonna fold all that laundry from 3 days ago, but now, I just don't want to. I am so tired of cleaning and doing the same stinking things day after stinking day. And you know, when we moved into this place I was so excited to keep it clean and pretty, but now it seems like it's all I can do to get the dishes done. Guess that is a prime example of how a person's attitude really makes a difference in what a person does with herself all day.
It can really be an inner war. I mean everyday that I allow myself to be lazy, I always suffer for it later. Not only do I start feeling like something of a failure  by the end of the day, I start getting a lil paranoid that maybe my family thinks I am too. In thinking about the pressures of being a stay at home mom I have to wonder how much of it is real and how mush is just self induced torture to try and fit that perfectionists image of who I am and what I should be on a daily basis. I mean, who says I have to get everything done everyday? And who cares if there are dirty socks under the couch? Clearly not the person who put them there. What does it mater if I wash the hand prints off the wall today? There will only be more tomorrow. And so what if the beds aren't made?
Well I suppose the answers to all of that boils down to me. I really do care if the house is clean, and I can't just leave the socks there it would haunt me, literally,  and the beds should be made, I just need to find that balance.(perhaps the walls can wait) It plays into that whole building character business, not just who I am but who I want my children to be, while I shouldn't always try to be perfect, I do need to set the pace and example. For there is truth to the adage, Responsibility is caught not taught.

To Be A friend

What does it mean to give back? Well, I for one, know what it is to be on the receiving end. I have been in such places in my life that I truly was in need. And it continually astounds me to know just how the Lord has provided. Some may say coincidence, but whatever you want to call it, it always seemed to get better no matter how long it took. Sometimes I found myself in situations created by circumstance and others, well, lets just say I made a mess of things all by my lil lonesome.  Without realizing it at the time, there were people in my life that were so instrumental in who I am today. Some not so great but some that were and are truly amazing. These people, mainly women, have shown me what it is to love unconditionally and to give of ones self for the success of another. (you know who you are) Through these amazing women I now know who I want to be when I grow up. Its not easy, let me tell you, but it is rewarding. I can say, that after all I have been through, I feel truly blessed that I can be a help to others. To give back does not mean trying to repay those that have helped me, but rather to do for others that are much like I was and perhaps a bit like I am still. To quote one of my favorite movies, Disney's Robots, "See a need, fill a need" And to do for others doesn't always mean doing what is convenient for me, but what is best for the person in need, even if it means a bit of rearranging my own life. After all what is true love without a little suffering in the offering of ones self? Without those that have come alongside and lifted me up, I don't know where I would be. And i I thank God for the opportunity to now be a blessing to others.


 Photo Source
http://cutecatgifts.com/wordpress/cat-photos-hugging-cats/

Beef Jerky, Perhaps?

Good Gravy! Whoever said children were a blessing either never had any or it's been a while since they've spent any amount of time with them. Look, I've got 4 kids and yeah their great, I guess I'll keep them, but I'll tell you, It didn't take me long to figure out why some species eat their young. Oh I know, Your probably thinking why'd I have 4 of them then. I dunno, but you'd think after all I've paid my psychiatrist she'd have figured that out by now! Okay Okay, I jest. I guess, in all honesty, I had them out of sheer ignorance. I mean, if I had known how difficult it would be maybe things would be different but hey, they're mine so I"m gonna pull myself up by my bootstraps and git 'er done.
But I'll tell you there are some days I could just string them up. Don't get me wrong I have some really great kids but they are still kids and sometimes I really wonder why God gave me 4. I mean it's not like I have the patience of a saint. Like when they are all screaming at me at the same time for some reason or another and screaming at each other when their thoughtful enough to give me a reprieve. And why is it they ( the youngest 2, Tristan just turned 4 and Gianna is 2 1/2) have to follow me to the bathroom, stick their nose in the crack of the closed door and breath heavily? That's enough to give anyone stage fright! Oh the joys....
Ya know I've been telling my children since birth I'd like to skin them and make beef jerky outta them, and it worked till my oldest ( Krystallynne is almost 11 now) finally came back with "But Mom, What would you do with the bones?" eh hum! Say what? Fine, so I say it alot, and I'm still looking for a pan big enough, but I don't think they'll fit in my oven anymore.
So.... For now...
Beef Jerky Anyone?



Photo Source
http://www.merchantcircle.com/business/Cant.Stop.Smokin.575-630-0000/picture/gallery